Why Every Child Needs a Safe Place to Be Heard
Most parents and caregivers think that the child in their life would tell them if they were being hurt in any way. But, the reality is that kids rarely tell their parents when there is abuse and especially if the abuse is from someone they or their family knows. According the the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 76% to 89% of child abuse an neglect is at the hands of a family member or cargiver. Shame, manipulation, retaliation, or confusion are all real reasons a child is less likely to tell someone about the things they are experiencing. Children often simply don’t have the capacity to process what is happening to them. Children who are being abused by a parent or family member are easily manipulated because children want to be loved and need to trust those who care for them. Kids try to understand things that their brains are not developed enough to understand even though their bodies are screaming that something is wrong.
Katie is a 7 year old bright little girl who came to school with bruises in a line across her arms. The teacher noticed the bruises and asked her what happened. “Oh…I don’t know.” Katie answered. The teacher was concerned because she had seen marks before on Katie but nothing that looked like this. The teacher reported the concerns and a DCS report was generated. Katie was brought to the CAC and in the forensic interview Katie began to share that she gets in trouble at home and she doesn't want to get anyone mad. Katie had been told she was bad and her parents would beat her with a belt to beat the bad out of her. Katie had come to believe that was her fault and the shame of that kept her from telling anyone about how severe the abuse had been. She never did say how the line bruises got on her arms because she had been told she would go to hell if she told. When Katie was examined by a forensic physician connected to the CAC process scars and past bone breaks were found. Katie had believed that she was the cause for the brutal punishment by her parents. Shame, manipulation, and fear of retaliation kept Katie from telling anyone until she was at the CAC in a safe neutral place where the trained professionals were able to hear what Katie was able to tell about how she was being physically and emotionally abused. After Katie had been removed from her abusive home she began to feel safe from the retaliation and confusing manipulations in her home. Katie was then able to feel safe to tell what had happened to her.
Like Katie, when family members are the abuser they rarely tell anyone. Physical abuse and neglect is most often reported by teachers, daycare workers, friends or medical personnel when there are visible signs of abuse. When there is sexual abuse or exploitation there are less physical signs that others may see to report or ask children. With sexual abuse children are more likely to be groomed by their perpetrator by using tactics to keep a child engaged to “normalize” things that are abusive and mix it with things that appear kind and normal. Perpetrators may buy gifts, arrange special activities that confuses the child victim more. Abusers often groom parents and caregivers as well further adding to the child victim. If parents seem to trust and like this person then what they are doing must not be wrong. Abusers often do not use physical force, but may use play, deception, threats, or other forms of coercion to engage children and maintain their silence. Perpetrators work very hard to keep children they are abusing from telling anyone-making it so very important to provide the best possible place for a child to feel safe to share and be heard where they can get help.
Cherish Center is a Nationally Accredited child advocacy center that provides the safe place for children to be heard in Hamilton County. Research shows that a child is more likely to share information about what they are dealing with in their life in a safe, neutral place than in any other setting. Child Advocacy Centers are specifically set up using that research and evidence to be THE safe neutral place for children. By going to Cherish Center the child is more likely to be able to talk to one person who is trained to understand how children developmentally respond to trauma and can allow the child to talk about what may have happened to them so that they do not have to talk multiple times to all the agencies that need that information to begin to investigate. And in that same safe, neutral place the child and the family can access resources to help deal with whatever needs they may have and advocates walk with the child and family through the processes that may follow to prevent any further harm. Cherish Center is the place that gives kids a voice through the process of an abuse investigation and the first step of hope and healing for a child.